life is short, eat pastries naked

Best title for a post I’ve read in a while: Naked man runs through Starbucks, eats pastries, gets shot by rubber bullets. That should say it all.

But don’t you want more?

At 5am this morning, a “drunken naked guy” used a sock full of rocks to shatter the glass on the front door, and stormed inside to eat “all the pastries”. Police responded and found the guy running around the store, resisting arrest. He had feathers in his hair and an American flag […] The cops had to use rubber bullets and a beanbag shotgun to subdue him.

And how do we know he was still drunk and not hung over? He didn’t want coffee yet. {rim shot}

Now if the naked guy had a cap on and stuck the feathers in that instead of his hair, I wonder if he’d call it macaroni? {long rim shot}

I like the line about how they “found the guy running around the store, resisting arrest.” I can just hear the cops now, “Hey! Naked guy! What are you doing in that Starbucks?” to which he replied, “Why, I’m resisting arrest!”

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  • That’s just too weird of a story for me. Funny!

  • Mike

    How big was this Starbucks that they had to use rubber bullets and beanbags to bring him down. Most of the Starbucks I’ve been in are not that big. It’s not like he was running around in a department store.

    OK, so I wouldn’t want to be the cop who had to tackle some naked man hyped up on sugar. Maybe rubber bullets were the best option.

  • rob

    Yeah, the more distance the better!

  • I’m with Patricia. This one is so weird that I don’t even know how to comment.
    Oh, wait. Yes I do! Where’d the cops get a beanbag shotgun? Do they have an entire arsenal for dealing with naked guys?