I just realized I don’t need to worry about deciding who to vote for. I can vote for myself! According to the US Constitution, I’m eligible:
No person except a natural born citizen, or a citizen of the United States, at the time of the adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that office who shall not have attained to the age of thirty five years, and been fourteen Years a resident within the United States.
I think my slogan will be “Jimmy cracks corn and I don’t care.” It’s just sing-songy enough to catch on, doncha think?
I think one thing I’d do is make a paraphrase version of the Constitution. Yeah, it’s kinda easy to read, but it could be easier! Like, “If you want to be President of the US, you have to: 1. Be born in the US, 2. Be a US citizen, 3. Lived here the last 14 years, and 4. Are at least 35 years old.”
I’ll even let you help me build my platform. So whadda want?